I became a mother in a foreign country, away from all my family and friends. My mom passed away in my teenage years. I found myself raising my first baby all alone. It was difficult in many ways, but it also allowed for me to learn how to mother completely on my own, with guidance from God. I found myself mothering in unconventional, even controversial ways. It came so naturally to me. My babies thrived, and so did I. The term used for conscious, gentle, holistic, natural parenting is “wild mothering”. For me, it was just mothering. Let’s get into the ten unconventional ways I mother my children.
1. My babies sleep with me
It IS safe in a healthy and safe environment. This has been proven over thousands of years. Most of the world still cosleeps. The safest place for baby to sleep is where they can be responded to immediately. The safest place for baby to sleep is where their temperature and heart rate are regulated. The safest place for baby is to have unlimited access to breastmilk. The safest place to sleep is next to mom.
For more information, read Safe Infant Sleep by Dr. James McKenna and look up the Safe Sleep 7.
Also, if you resonate with most of this list, you already know what causes SIDS.
2. We don’t bathe our newborns
They are not born dirty! They are born with a protective coat of vernix that acts as a moisturizing and cleansing skin barrier. As your baby is born vaginally, they are exposed to your microbiome and they are covered in good bacteria… don’t wash it off! Our newborns stay skin to skin with us majority of the their first month and we stay home during the first month. Heck, I’m in bed, resting and healing for the first couple weeks. Thus, our babies aren’t getting dirty.
If baby has spit up or breastmilk in their folds, a washcloth moistened with water will clean them without disrupting their delicate microbiome.
3. I exclusively breastfeed
I exclusively breastfeed my babies so bottles aren’t necessary. Pumping isn’t necessary unless you want to save a stash for personal reasons or if you have low supply, which is rare. We avoid using pacifiers because I am the pacifier. Hunger, discomfort, tiredness, fear… I meet the need. This also establishes a solid breastfeeding relationship and assures a good milk supply.
If my baby is inconsolable and is refusing the breast, using a pacifier is a bandaid. There are underlying issues and the best way is to see a reputable lactation consultant and body worker, and explore food sensitivities.
4. We don’t sleep train our babies
Sleep training a baby doesn’t teach them to sleep. Sleep training teaches babies that you won’t respond to them when they cry out for you. Babies are designed to wake. This ensures that they are eating enough and that they are in close proximity to their mother for safety. Babies don’t just wake to eat, they wake for comfort and closeness as well. Comfort is a valid need that we as adults even have.
If baby isn’t sleeping at all, then there are underlying issues that need to be explored.
5. We don’t put our babies on a schedule
Our babies don’t know any schedules, charts or rules. Biological infant sleep and growth is not linear. It changes frequently and that is normal. Babies have growth spurts in utero too! As mothers, we were designed to follow our baby’s lead and to learn our baby’s cues. Some days, babies need more sleep. Some days, less.
6. We choose to forego routine newborn interventions that aren’t applicable to us, like erythromycin eye ointment and shots
God didn’t fail in his design for humans. He saw all of humanity in every era and created us wisely. Of course, the world isn’t perfect and medical intervention can be life saving to those who need it. But healthy newborns do not.
7. We don’t put hats on our newborns indoors
Babies don’t need hats to protect their body from becoming cold. They need you. They need to be skin to skin with you to help regulate their body temperature.
Just like babies are attracted to our scent, our body naturally is attracted to their scent. We need to smell their delicious smell constantly to produce oxytocin, which is a hormone that is vital for the placenta to expel, bonding with baby, producing breastmilk, and shrinking your uterus back to its original size.
Smelling their head prompts us to kiss their head, which signals to our body to produce specific antibodies in our breastmilk for our baby from the sample of pathogens from their skin. How fascinating!
Hats can also be restricting to an infant’s head, which is very sensitive to pressure. Babies’ heads are purposely moldable so that they can come through the pelvis in birth. After birth, it is essential that their head goes back to its natural shape without any restrictions.
8. We don’t swaddle
Swaddling is often promoted to re-create the same experience as in the womb. It’s referred to as “womb-like”. That isn’t true. In the womb, babies can still move around, keep their hands by their face, kick their feet, and even flip up and down (extremely rare, but even in labor!).
Another reason babies are swaddled is to prevent them from startling (Moro reflex) in their sleep and waking up.
Babies are meant to wake. Waking frequently is wise, innate design that protects them from hunger and danger, and helps them regulate.
From birth to around age five, at least one million neural connections are formed every second, more than any other time in life. As your baby startles, their brain makes connections as it processes what your baby is experiencing. The more your baby startles, the more connections their brain makes, the sooner they outgrow the reflexes as they adjust to a new environment. These connections are crucial for a lifelong healthy nervous system.
Lastly, swaddling isn’t safe for cosleeping parents, which is the ideal sleep environment for babies.
9. We don’t use mittens on our babies
Your grandma might be terrified of your baby scratching their eyes out, but if babies’ nails are kept short, babies really don’t scratch themselves much. If they do, their scratches heal quickly (usually by the next day), especially if breastmilk is put on them.
Babies love to keep their hands by their face for comfort. Often, that’s how they were in your womb.
Having bare hands and feet is really important for their sensory processing. Remember, they are making millions of connections every second from what they touch, see, taste, smell, hear and feel. Having mittens and socks on prevents them from exploring their environment, thus limiting the full potential of connections that their brain can make.
10. We don’t put socks on our newborns indoors
Along with inhibiting exploration, socks also prevent certain reflexes from integrating, like the plantar reflex that they’re born with that they use in birth and to do the breast crawl. The more your baby can use their feet unrestrictedly, the quicker they gain control in their feet.
I’m not going to even touch on hormone-disrupting, toxic chemicals in hats, socks and mittens that are absorbed by babies’ skin, but that’s another good reason to forego it all. If necessary, choose 100% organic cotton or wool hats, mittens and socks.
Relevant YouTube video.