My pregnancy with Selena
My birth story actually begins on July 25: Max’s and my two month wedding anniversary and the day we confirmed our first pregnancy with the two lines on a pregnancy test. I was so excited. We both were. Instantly, my life changed.
I erased everything I ever knew. I began to dig deep. I spent countless hours and hours deep into research. I went through books, studies, articles, blogs, videos… you name it. No, I wasn’t researching the latest and coolest baby gadgets. Something stirred within me. I didn’t have the connection with my developing baby that many moms have in pregnancy, where they sing and talk with the baby in them, but I had the deepest desire to protect this child.
I threw away and gave away cleaning supplies, hygiene products, and anything with any toxic chemicals. I changed my diet to whole foods, veggies, fruits, and many organic items. I changed our medicine cabinet from conventional to herbal and homeopathic. I needed to know the holistic and natural methods to healing cuts, sicknesses, you name it. We became strong believers in elderberry and other immune support tinctures.
Looking back, yes I went crazy. I am so grateful my husband didn’t suppress this desire within me to create a healthy environment for my child. My husband was cautious and skeptical with most changes but he humbly allowed me to nurture my awakening motherly instincts. I truly adore him for this.
One of the biggest motivators for me for the sudden lifestyle change was knowing that the closest American hospital is over an hour away, because we were living in Mexico at the time. That’s not including the wait at the MX-US border. I couldn’t always rely on the emergency room. I hadn’t found a hospital or clinic in Mexico that I could fully trust. I had to know how to treat sicknesses and wounds.
I decided early on, probably in my third or fourth month of pregnancy, that I wanted an unmedicated, vaginal birth. For my prenatal appointments, I was going to a clinic in America, which was connected to the local hospitals. I am a people pleaser by nature and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to accomplish the birth I envisioned in the hospital setting. I would give in to any pressure to change my birth plan. I wasn’t ready for a home birth experience.
The next closest thing would be a freestanding birth center. The two closest freestanding birth centers were in San Diego and in Arizona, with San Diego being the closer one. We had state health insurance at the time and I was overjoyed to find out we would be covered after switching our plan to San Diego county. That of course is a whole different story. We had to change plans multiple times and even had to fight for our right to birth at the birth center a couple weeks before my due date. It was worth every fight and believe it or not, it was my husband that fought the hardest to be able to give me the birth I desired.
We moved to stay at Max’s cousins’ house in San Diego the month before my due date. This was also during the time that COVID-19 hit America.
Despite all the preparations I’ve made for my first child’s birth, I did have one more obstacle to deal with. I had so much fear of birth.
Before I got married, both my aunts had shared their birth stories with me at two separate times, out of the genuine kindness of their hearts to warn me what was to come. They had horrific and traumatic births. And they warned me to expect the worst. I began to read the book Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. By the time I got through part one of the book, half of my fear was already gone. I was so inspired by the birth stories, I began to desire to experience what all of the women experienced in those stories. I listened to countless positive, unmedicated, vaginal birth stories and birth center birth stories on YouTube. They aren’t easy to find. In the process of interviewing doulas, I was recommended by one doula to listen to a Christian podcast of positive birth stories from Christian women. I was inspired by the podcast to start praying for God’s hand in my birth and especially in certain parts of my upcoming labor that gave me anxiety and fear.
I prayed for a head down baby so that I had the possibility of a vaginal birth. I was tested positive for GBS and according to research I did, I made the informed decision to deny antibiotics at birth IF my water was to break right before pushing out my baby. I prayed for my waters to break at the right time. I also prayed for the ability to birth Selena in water, due to GBS reasons as well. I have RH negative blood and I prayed that Selena would have RH negative blood so I wouldn’t have to take the rhogam shot. I prayed to not tear. If I am completely honest, I didn’t have the most faith in those moments of prayer. I asked God for His mercy to cover my lack of faith and hear my pleas.
By the time the seventh month rolled around, I had no fear of birth. I was excited to birth. I couldn’t wait for the day to come. And the long awaited day did come. After all my natural induction methods failed, I surrendered my trust to my body. It knew when to go into labor. And it did, on the morning of my 41st week of pregnancy.
The birth of Selena
I woke up on April 5th at 6:45am due to mild contractions. I’ve had many strong and close pre-labor contractions before so I was not one hundred percent sure I was in labor. All of my Braxton Hicks contractions had been in my back so I was mentally prepared for back labor. I quietly bounced on my exercise ball and listened to my birth playlist. As the contractions continued steadily, I was filled with excitement. I was at peace.
I took a couple last pictures of my pregnant tummy in the bathroom and went to wake up Max to let him know that this might be the day. It was 9am at this point. I called and notified the midwife on call that I was most likely in labor as Max worked on booking a hotel for me to continue laboring in. The reason for that plan was due to Max’s cousins having two little boys at home and I didn’t want to be uncomfortable, nor have the family be uncomfortable, while I labor. I didn’t want any hindrance mentally and physically.
I continued to labor until the hotel was finally booked and we gathered my birth things and left. It was around 1pm.
At that point, my contractions had definitely become stronger. I started focusing on my breathing to cope with each contraction. The contractions slowed in the car. It was about a twenty minute drive and I only had around three contractions. I thanked the Lord for that. When we came to the hotel, Max cleaned the shower and turned on the hot water. He filled up the shallow tub and left the water raining down above from the shower head. I dimmed the lights and got into the shower. My doula arrived a few minutes later. I couldn’t speak during my contractions but I could talk easily in between.
As my contractions intensified, I tuned out my husband and my doula. I rejected touch from both and asked for silence so I could focus. My contractions were coming at 2-4 minutes apart and lasted 45 seconds to one minute. Music bothered me at that point and my doula turned on ocean sounds to calm me. I listened to my body and allowed it to move in whichever way helped me cope with the contractions. I breathed out loudly and deeply through each contraction until I felt like the pain was intense enough for me to go to the birth center. The birth center will only admit laboring women at 6 centimeters of cervical dilation due to only three birthing rooms. First time births can take up to 2-3 days start to finish.
When we arrived at the birth center at 3pm, I had a cervical check for the first time. My midwife asked whether I would like to know how much I am dilated if I had not reached 6 centimeters yet. I decided to not know so I wouldn’t become discouraged. I assumed I was at 4 or 5. Later I found out that I was only at 3 centimeters. I was glad later that I decided to not know. I definitely would’ve become discouraged. I was told that my baby was still very high up in terms of station. The midwife allowed me to labor for half an hour more (an hour total since my arrival) until 4pm. If I progressed at least a centimeter, she would allow me to stay. During that time, my doula helped me do a couple Spinning Babies exercises to help the baby reposition. Unfortunately I had only progressed by half a centimeter by 4pm. I had to return to the hotel.
I was given pain killers to be able to get some sleep but decided against taking them. My doula encouraged me to try to sleep. I laid down for a minute upon arriving to the hotel room but as soon as a contraction started, I had to go back into the shower. All my modesty had left at that point and I couldn’t stand a single clothing article on me.
The next two hours were hazy. I wasn’t coping… I was surviving. I couldn’t think or process anything. I would immerse myself in the hot bathtub, under the sprinkling warm water, during each break in between contractions. The hot water sprinkling on my back would relax my body. Max would dip a towel in the hot bath water and drape it over the front of my body to keep me warm. When a contraction would start, he would take the towel off and I would rise up out of the water and breathe so deeply and so loudly. I couldn’t stand the feeling of hot water during contractions. I couldn’t find a place. My body would squat and arch in many different ways to cope with the pain. I drifted off to sleep several times in between contractions. I was so exhausted. I repeated “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13) over and over again in my head. Twice in my mind I desired an epidural, but would force that thought out immediately after thinking it. Two or three times I held back tears to not allow myself to break. I had to do this. I COULD do this. Max would gently encourage me by letting me know how great I was doing. He would bring water and fruit pouches to my lips to encourage me to stay nourished and hydrated, although I didn’t want any of it.
As I labored in the bath tub, I felt a tiny pop within me. I wasn’t sure if that was what I had felt or if it was imagined. Then there was a shift. I had the sudden desire to have a bowel movement. I got out of the shower. I assumed my body was only clearing itself out. Little did I know I had begun to push. I would squat down, bare down, and push. It was 6:30pm. My doula was on the phone with the midwife to notify her of the change in my behavior. As I paced in the bathroom and pushed, water kept dripping from me. Then it dawned on me that my water had broken and was slowly leaking. I was asked several times whether I thought I should go to the birth center. I was unsure because I didn’t think I had progressed that much in the past two and a half hours. The midwife told me to come anyway. I breathed in short, high breaths to keep my body from baring down and pushing. I pushed anyway but not with so much strength as before.
We arrived and were admitted at 7:13pm. My midwife checked me and informed me that I was fully effaced and dilated. We had declined antibiotics earlier and I went to the toilet because it was comfortable to push. The midwife assistant began filling up the birthing tub. My midwife stayed with me and told me she could feel Selena’s head already. She asked if I would like to try pushing on the bed instead of the toilet. I agreed but kept asking whether the tub was ready yet.
I pushed once or twice on the bed and then was told I can move to the tub. I moved to the tub and was told I had to birth in an upright laying position in the tub with my legs up on the tub side bars. I kept pushing. My midwife told me to slow down. I wouldn’t slow down. I felt as if I just had to get her out. I felt the ring of fire for a couple minutes.
Finally, at 7:32pm, Selena was born. The moment of her coming out was such an indescribable, supernatural experience. It happened so fast and yet in slow motion. I finally met her. She was so foreign and yet my own. I can birth over and over again to relive this moment. This moment can’t be put into words and brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it.
I held Selena and rubbed her little body. She was born with the cord around her neck. She had no visible vernix on her. She had so much hair. She didn’t cry. She whimpered. She was so beautiful and tiny. She was mine. My heart was so full.
After she was born, I held her close until I was ready to birth the placenta. Max cut her cord once it stopped pulsating and I gave her to Max for skin to skin contact so I could focus on birthing the placenta.
While I was birthing the placenta, Selena surprised Max by passing meconium onto him. The midwife showed him how to change a diaper. I was grateful for that because I was ashamed to admit I didn’t know how to change a diaper.
I was stitched up from my shallow second degree tear and was finally ready to feed Selena. I was shown how to hold her to feed her and she latched on well. Over the next few hours, we ate. I had fundal massages a couple times and had my first postpartum pee. Our vitals were monitored. Selena was weighed and measured. 8.45 pounds and 22 inches long. She had her blood tested and was confirmed RH negative. We shared the news of Selena’s birth with close family and relatives.
We were ready to go home right at midnight. I dressed Selena. She was too tiny for the 0-3 month clothing I had brought for her. I was expecting her to be bigger. Rain was pouring outside as we made our way to the car.
We came to the hotel and settled in to rest for the first time as a family of three.
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