What every new mom should know.
Expecting your first baby can be so overwhelming and nerve-racking. You might feel nervous and wonder whether you will be a good mom or whether you will know how to take care of a helpless newborn. These feelings are normal, and in this post, I share 17 pieces of advice from my own mothering journey, with the purpose of encouraging you, inspiring you, exciting you, and empowering you.
1. You will connect with your baby.
The first pregnancy is a new and foreign experience, and it can be difficult to connect with your baby while they are in your womb. You might be worried that you won’t feel connected to them when they come. Don’t worry. You will connect with them. Your body is designed to connect with your baby. Your body is designed to nurture, protect and care for your baby, and it can’t do that if you don’t connect. The survival of humanity depends on this.
Tips to help you connect with your baby:
- Having an unmedicated birth assures that no drugs and their effects will interfere with your ability to bond with your baby and vice versus. Drugs can affect your ability to use your five senses, which are vital for connecting with your baby.
- Having your baby immediately skin to skin on you allows your hormones to freely flow and for you to connect with your baby.
- Don’t put a hat on your baby! Smell their newborn smell. It is unique and heavenly. Your baby’s smell is specifically designed to cause the hormones of love and connection to flow.
- Avoid any scented body products on you, your baby, and those holding baby. Scented products are not only harmful for your baby’s body, but they also disrupt the natural hormonal processes that connect you two to each other.
- Breastfeed on demand. Nurse when your baby wants to nurse. Suckling causes a rush of hormones that are responsible for connecting.
2. You don’t need to follow rules, schedules or charts.
There will be so many charts thrown at you: feeding charts and schedules, sleep schedules, developmental charts, growth charts, sleep regression charts, and so on. Motherhood can become so overwhelming if you are following all the charts, schedules and guidelines. The reality is, our babies don’t know any schedules, charts or rules. Biological infant sleep and growth is not linear. It changes frequently and that is normal. As mothers, we weren’t created to follow a myriad of guidelines. We were designed to follow our baby’s lead. We were designed to learn our baby’s cues. We thrive as mothers when we truly know our children. We will know their “normal” and their “abnormal”. Trust yourself and trust your baby. They will teach you. You just have to pay attention to them.
3. You know your child better than any anyone.
You are new to motherhood but that doesn’t mean that those more experienced know your child better. Your child developed within you. You birthed your child. You spend more time than anyone with your child. You know them best. You are connected with them. Their DNA is in your blood. You have intuition which gives you the deepest insight into your child. No professional with decades of education and work experience will know your child better than you. Your parents don’t know your child better than you. You are your child’s parent. You know them best. You make the best decisions for them.
4. Trust your intuition.
What is intuition?
We hear it so often in reference to pregnancy, birth and motherhood. It is an inner knowing within us that tells us what to do or what not to do in any situation that is in the best interest of us, our children, our family.
Where does it come from?
“Listen to me; listen, and pay close attention. Does a farmer always plow and never sow? Is he forever cultivating the soil and never planting? Does he not finally plant his seeds— black cumin, cumin, wheat, barley, and emmer wheat— each in its proper way, and each in its proper place? The farmer knows just what to do, for God has given him understanding. A heavy sledge is never used to thresh black cumin; rather, it is beaten with a light stick. A threshing wheel is never rolled on cumin; instead, it is beaten lightly with a flail. Grain for bread is easily crushed, so he doesn’t keep on pounding it. He threshes it under the wheels of a cart, but he doesn’t pulverize it. The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is a wonderful teacher, and he gives the farmer great wisdom.”
Isaiah 28:23-29
Just like the farmer intuitively knows how to farm in the best way for the best results, so we as mothers intuitively know how to mother in the best way for the best results. Our intuition is not of us so that we can boast. It is God who gives us understanding, who is a wonderful teacher, and who gives us great wisdom. We don’t need to be afraid of motherhood. We don’t need to worry whether we will be able to make the right decisions. We can mother in the best way because we have a wonderful teacher whom we can trust to give us inner wisdom and inner understanding.
Your intuition will teach you everything you need to know. It will also tell you when to seek help.
If you feel like something or someone is wrong and goes against your intuition, lean into that. Trust that intuitive feeling. Many of my “unconventional” mothering choices were due to me listening to my intuition and later finding the research that supported my intuitive choices. Your mothering journey will look different from others and that doesn’t mean one of you is wrong. Your intuition will tell you what is right for you and your baby.
5. Less is more with baby products.
Babies really don’t need much. Remember, most products are created to mimic you, and to take your baby away from you. Baby products can never replace your arms, your voice, your eyes, or your smell. You are irreplaceable.
The less you have, the more you have of your baby.
The baby gadget industry has become so huge and brings in so much revenue. Baby product companies tell us that we can be better mothers or that motherhood can be easier if we use their products. It’s not true. Babies are designed to need only you. Babies are very simple in nature. Everyone always laughs at the fact that babies choose to play with things like sticks and spoons instead of toys. There’s a valuable lesson there.
6. You can never spend too much time with your baby.
You can never spoil your baby. Your baby is designed to need you 24/7. It will be overwhelming to be needed 24/7, but this is temporary. The first year flies by. Then they are walking, then talking, and before you know it, you have a toddler who needs you less. Enjoy your baby. Spend time getting to know them. They change so fast. They are different every day. Soak it all in.
Working moms, if it’s possible to downsize your home/rental, seek government aid, or find a remote job, do that! It’s so difficult to leave your baby at 8 weeks. There is so much that will be missed of their short infant and toddler years. They change daily.
Don’t worry about a clean house. It will be clean someday when your children leave. Instead, invest that energy into creating a beautiful childhood for your child and take the time to soak them up. To do lists can wait. They will always be there. Our children will not.
7. You can never nurse your baby too much.
Nursing is not only for food, it is also for comfort and medicine. Babies are never hungry when they are in our womb. They always feel safe, warm and nourished. When they are born, everything is unknown and scary. They are exposed to feelings of hunger, thirst, cold, heat, pain, etc. They don’t understand a lot in the beginning of their journey outside of the womb. When you leave out of their sight, they become scared. You are their world.
Nursing is the closest thing to your womb. It provides everything your womb provided: nourishment, comfort, safety, closeness, and protection from pathogens.
Nurse your baby when they ask for it. Don’t follow charts or schedules. If they are showing signs that they want to nurse, nurse them. You will never nurse without satisfying your baby’s need and all of their needs are valid.
8. Research EVERYTHING that goes into your baby and on your baby.
Start researching when you are pregnant. Never blindly trust anyone, not even a medical professional, with your child. The truth is, no one will care for your children more than you. For many people, it is just another day at work. But for you, you’re dealing with your whole world. Many people blindly say or do what they were taught and they trust it. There are financial incentives for many things in the medical industry. Lots of products are recalled every year due to toxins or adverse reactions. Know what is going on your baby or in your baby. You are not crazy for doing so. You are wise, protective and caring, as mothers are naturally.
9. Your ability to mother comes naturally.
If you were put in the middle of nowhere, you would be able to raise a healthy child because it is naturally within you. It is God’s design for the survival of humanity. This is why you can never go back to who you were before conceiving your baby. Your body changes from the moment of conception to support you in your new role as a mother. Don’t compare yourself to who you were prior. Know and trust that you are different and completely capable to raise your child.
10. Your body knows how to birth.
Similarly, birthing is also a physiological process that your body knows just how to do. It’s a normal function of your body, just like every other physiological bodily function. It’s not something you learn to do. You were born with the ability integrated within you to birth. You don’t have to think how to do. You have to trust your body. Trust God and His design. Surrender to your body. Allow it to birth your baby for you without you or anyone else interfering. Make choices that support a gentle, undisturbed birth. There are many benefits for you. A gentle start to your baby’s life out of the womb begans at birth. A gentle start for your baby has many benefits for them and has lifelong rewards.
11. Preparing for your baby’s arrival is more than just decorating a nursery
Preparing for your baby’s arrival is more than just decorating a nursery, buying baby gadgets, and throwing a baby shower. These things aren’t “bad”, but they are shallow compared to real preparation. They shouldn’t be at the top of our priority list for our preparation for baby. Our society has a materialistic approach for preparation for motherhood, and unfortunately, mothers are paying the price from the start of their mothering journeys.
Prepare your home. Throw out toxic products. Work on your marriage. Seek God. Read informative books. Learn to cook nourishing meals. Prepare postpartum meals. Grow spiritually, emotionally and mentally. This is true preparation for your baby that will serve you and your family for the rest of your life and will actually prepare you in the best way for motherhood.
12. YOUR NOURISHMENT IS A PRIORITY!
You will need to eat more after birthing your baby, especially if you are breastfeeding. 2500-3500+ nutrient dense calories every day is the average for nursing mothers.
Stock up with healthy snacks and meals in pregnancy. Have your friends come over, cook with you, and take meals home to freeze to bring to you in postpartum. Invest in a postpartum doula. Build your community. Reach out for help from family and church. There are people wanting to help that may not even know you.
Nourishing your body should be a priority to prevent your body from running on stress hormones and to keep your mood stable throughout the day. This is so important, even though it can be so difficult with a little one. Prioritizing nourishment will help you mother better and be a better wife as well.
I struggles with PPR (postpartum rage) in the first few months of postpartum. I truly believe it’s because I wasn’t eating enough, especially with how much my baby was nursing.
13. Let your baby explore their independence.
Let your baby take the time to try and learn how to do things on their own. Let them know you are there if they need help. It is so healthy for their development. You’ll be surprised at how much they are capable of doing on their own in their own way.
14. You can start mothering with a blank slate.
You don’t have to repeat how you were raised if you weren’t raised in a good way. You have the opportunity to change generations. You are not your parents or caretakers. Find support groups online and in person. Seek therapy if needed. You can make changes. It is one of the best gifts you can give your children because it’s a gift that can be passed down for generations.
15. You will never be perfect.
You can’t be perfect so please don’t hold yourself to that standard. You are not a failure if you mess up. We always do the best we can with the information and circumstances we have. You will always be perfect in your baby’s eyes. They love you unconditionally. Lean into God who is perfect and His grace extends to cover our imperfections. Seek him and He will guide you.
16. Avoid comparing.
Facebook group and support groups can be so informative and helpful, but remember that you are unique, raising your own unique child in your own unique way. Remember to not compare. Comparison always leads to anxiety, uncertainty and fear. Use others experiences or ideas to explore further but never blindly take anything as factual.
17. Trust God with the life of your baby.
In motherhood, so much is still unknown. The mysteries don’t end when our baby is born. The only way we can live in peace while not knowing the future is by trusting the Author of the future. We can choose to put our children’s lives into their Creator’s hands from the moment they are conceived. We can choose to trust a sovereign, omniscient God. We can choose to take refuge in Him. He wants us to take refuge in Him. He wants to be our source of peace, of assurance, of confidence. He wants us to trust Him with the lives He put on this earth through us. They are not ours, they are His. He has decided the length of their lives. We can trust that He will care for them. We know how much He loves them.
Random practical advice:
- If your baby is nursing for hours on end, non-stop, and is fussy, they may be cluster feeding. In short, they are stimulating your body to produce more milk for a growth spurt that is coming up, where they will need more nourishment. Here is a great article for more information and tips on cluster feeding.
- Teach your baby to get off the couch backwards really early so they are able to get off surfaces safely when you aren’t there. It will happen. Here is a great Instagram post on how to teach your baby to do so.
- Breastmilk heals literally everything (minus yeast rashes).
- Washing your baby often isn’t necessary. Soap also isn’t necessary. Wiping your baby down with a clean, damp cloth works well.
- Your baby will have milk get into the folds of their skin. Clean the folds daily with a clean, damp cloth to prevent rashes.
- Your milk supply will regulate around 3-4 months and your breasts will feel emptier. This is normal. You are not losing your milk supply. Your baby also becomes more efficient at removing milk over time so your feeding sessions can become shorter.
- Food before one is just for fun. It’s never necessary. Water isn’t necessary either if you are breastfeeding, even in the heat. Your milk adjusts to the surrounding environment and your baby’s needs.
- Weaning can cause hormonal withdrawals for the both of you.
- Your baby will understand A LOT before they even start talking.
- Drying your baby fully at diaper changes before applying any kind of cream or oil helps to prevent a rash.
- Breastfeeding beyond two years of age is normal and healthy.
- Cocomelon, the TV show, is very stimulating and addicting for kids.
- Babies can do tummy time on you. Don’t stress if they hate the floor.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read through my advice for you. I hope you are encouraged and empowered in your innate mothering abilities!
