Why are we feeding our society’s shallow culture of bouncing back to an ideal body?
Why do we view the body of a maiden as the ultimate standard of beauty?
Why do we strive to undo the beautiful transformation our body has undergone?
Why do we feel pressured to undergo unhealthy procedures to try to return to maidenhood?
What if aging gracefully was deeper than our skin?
What if aging gracefully meant growing in wisdom, in experience, in grace, in kindness, in selflessness, in love?
We do the hardest, most selfless job in the world, but want to remain physically unchanged.
What if we could see our metamorphosed body as a symbol of our sacrifice, experience, and transformation into a mother?
Our body wisely metamorphosed (stretched, thickened, thinned, widened, loosened, tightened, tore, shifted, grew, shed, deflated, separated, rounded, flattened) into a body that is perfectly designed to sustain and nourish our children.
We transformed to become the answer to all of our children’s needs and desires in all stages of life.
How incredible is this design?
Our needs are often unmet or met last as we stretch and expand to lovingly pour into our children to give them the best life possible.
Our motherly body symbolizes the stretching, the expanding, the shifting, the changing that we go through as mothers to provide a beautiful life for our children.
Women, no part of you will remain unchanged through childbearing.
Allow your body to speak of the gift of raising children.
Carrying, birthing, nourishing, raising the next generation… each process is a miracle.
Why do we rush to cover up the evidence?
Cutting, filling, lifting, stitching, hiding… to cover the evidence of the beautiful, miraculous work we do.
Why do we rush to return to our pre-metamorphosed state?
There isn’t a “most beautiful” phase.
Each phase of womanhood is beautiful.
Each phase of womanhood requires shedding of the previous phase.
If you don’t fully embrace each phase, you won’t partake in the wisdom, growth, and beauty that each phase offers.
Your hips may widen.
Your thighs may thicken.
Your stomach may soften.
Your breasts may stretch.
Your genitalia may change.
All of these physical changes symbolize transformation, growth, maturation, experience.
You’re not meant to go back to maidenhood.
You’ve metamorphosed into a mother.
There is so much beauty in becoming and being a mother.
What do our children think when they see us covering up the evidence of raising them?
Do we treat our body lovingly, proud of the work it has done?
Or are we ashamed and disgusted?
Our children are watching our relationship with our body. How we treat our body and speak of our body can influence how they will view motherhood and the changes that come with it.
When we lovingly say,
“This soft stomach stretched go be your first home.
These hips widened and these thighs thickened to bring you forth out of the womb.
These breasts stretched to fill with liquid gold- your first food and medicine.
These arms and hips always held you near to me.”,
our children will remember our attitude towards these physical changes.
It may help them embrace and love the transformation that they go through when the time comes for them to metamorphose from a maiden to a mother.
I remember dreading to look in the mirror to see how things look down there after birthing my second baby… the feeling of my heart sinking… and wondering if this was normal.
I didn’t know things were going to change and that it was normal for change to happen.
But how could change NOT happen?
This was all a part of grieving… grieving the death of maidenhood. Then, acceptance… acceptance of motherhood.
It is GOOD to grieve. Allow yourself to sit in the feelings of what was and what is now. Allow yourself to feel the feelings. Accept. Let go of your maiden body. Embrace metamorphosis… the transition to a mother.
Then carry the badge of motherhood proudly, knowing that your mother body is beautiful and breathtaking, sacrificial and experienced.
The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can embrace and learn to love the new version of yourself and the new season in life.
If you fight it, you will not find belonging in maidenhood, nor motherhood. You’ll be stuck in the in-between… in the chrysalis. You’ll miss out of the growth, the experience and beauty, wisdom and depth that this new season can bring.
Expect external and internal changes to your genitalia after childbirth. And after each baby.
Different is normal.
Pain in the first few weeks of postpartum can be normal.
Persistent, lingering discomfort or pain is not. Incontinence, painful sex, and prolapse are also not normal. With these issues, it would be wise to seek advice from experts, such as pelvic floor therapists, midwives, body workers, and wise women.
Did you experience this? I felt so alone because no one had ever mentioned this to me before. Once I began to bring this up to other women, I found out that other women also experienced these changes. They were also wondering if these changes were normal and if others experienced them too.
If you’re a birth worker, these are important conversations to have with women.
